How to Know if You Are a Good Listener in the Workplace

And What to Do with People Who Aren’t

What does it mean to be a good listener, and how can we ensure we are doing it right? More importantly, how do we address those who seem incapable of giving others the attention they deserve? Listening goes beyond hearing words; it’s about understanding, empathy, and building trust.

 

Recognizing the Signs of Poor Listening

Imagine Jenna, a new manager, stepping into a pivotal role in a tech company. On her first day, she notices her team exhibits several troubling behaviors during meetings: frequent interruptions, defensiveness, and visible distractions like checking phones or typing on laptops. These are clear signs of a deeper issue. Jenna decides to observe and understand the dynamics at play.

 

Diving into Root Issues

Listening issues in the workplace are often symptoms of deeper underlying problems such as insecurity, lack of trust, and cultural factors. Understanding and addressing these root issues is crucial for creating a more attentive and cohesive team dynamic.

 

Fear and Insecurity:

• Fear of Being Overlooked: Team members might interrupt because they fear their ideas will not be heard or valued. This fear often stems from past experiences where they felt ignored or undervalued.
• Insecurity: Defensiveness can be a shield for insecurity. When people feel their competence is questioned, they may react aggressively to protect their self-esteem.

Lack of Trust:

• Trust Deficits: When a team lacks trust, individuals may feel the need to constantly assert themselves, believing that others won’t have their back.
• Communication Breakdown: Trust issues often lead to poor communication. Team members might not listen because they don’t trust the intentions behind the spoken words.

Cultural and Organizational Factors:

• High-Pressure Environment: In fast-paced or high-pressure settings, the urge to quickly get one’s point across can overshadow the need for listening.
• Lack of Training: Sometimes, people haven’t been trained in practical listening skills and don’t realize their behaviors are problematic.

 

Modeling Listening as a Leader

First, ask yourself if your listening skills are exemplary. If you are a leader, you must “check in” on your behavior to ensure a positive vibe for the team. Here are eight considerations to inspire your team to listen compassionately.

 

1. Ask Instead of Demand:

1. • Example: Instead of saying, “We need to improve our listening,” ask, “How can we create an environment where everyone feels heard?” This approach invites collaboration and reduces defensiveness.

1. Model Explaining the Why:

1. • Example: “I believe that when we all listen to each other, we can come up with the best solutions. Here’s why it’s important to me…” Sharing the reasoning behind your request fosters understanding and buy-in.

1. Check for Understanding:

1. • Example: “Can you summarize what you think our next steps are?” Ensuring clarity helps prevent misunderstandings.

1. Communicate Understanding of Individual Values:

1. • Example: “I know you value clear communication, and I want to make sure we’re on the same page. How do you feel about our current meeting dynamics?” Opening with respect for personal values encourages open dialogue.

1. Acknowledge and Address Fears:

1. • Example: “I’ve noticed some defensiveness in our discussions. Let’s talk about what’s causing it so we can address those concerns together.” Identifying and discussing fears openly can reduce their impact on communication.

1. Build Trust through Transparency:

1. • Example: “I want to be transparent about our goals and challenges. Here’s what we’re facing and how we can tackle it together.” Transparency fosters trust and a sense of shared purpose.

1. Encourage Patience and Empathy:

1. • Example: “Let’s take a moment to consider each other’s perspectives before we respond. Empathy can help us understand where our colleagues are coming from.” This approach promotes thoughtful and respectful interactions.

1. Provide Regular Feedback and Recognition:

1. • Example: “I appreciate your listening to everyone’s input during the meeting. It made a big difference.” Positive reinforcement encourages continued good behavior and motivates others to follow suit.

 

Improving Listening Skills

Providing a good example is an excellent start to building your team’s listening skills. Still, managers like Jenna must support the development of individual and team dynamics.

One-on-One

A face-to-face discussion can help you understand why a team member is defensive. Is it a lack of trust or fear of judgment? Privately discuss habitual interrupting behaviors with individuals, explaining their impact on team dynamics. Help people understand how to be a good listener with these core skills:

• Paraphrasing

Summarize what the speaker has said to confirm understanding.

• Body Language

Use eye contact and nodding to show engagement.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions

Encourage deeper exploration of ideas with questions like, “Can you elaborate on that?” “I’m curious; please tell me more about x?”

Team Listening Dynamics

Some guidelines are often helpful in setting the stage for a culture shift if needed. For example, consider:

• A No-Device Policy

To maintain focus, implement a rule against using phones and laptops during meetings.

• Structured Speaking Times

Assign specific times for each person to speak without interruptions.

• Safe Spaces

The leader is accountable for enforcing guidelines. Ensure team members feel safe to express themselves without fear of retribution.

• Regular Check-Ins

Hold one-on-one meetings to ensure everyone feels heard and valued.

 

Listening as a Foundation

By recognizing the signs of poor listening and understanding the root causes behind these behaviors, leaders like Jenna can begin to foster a culture of effective communication. Addressing fears and insecurities, building trust, and promoting active listening are essential. Listening is about understanding and valuing the people behind those words.