How to Receive Feedback… Even When It’s Hard to Hear
Feedback is a powerful tool. It can help us grow, improve, and reach new heights, both personally and professionally. And yet, for many of us, receiving feedback can feel like a gut punch. Whether it comes in the form of a gentle suggestion or a pointed critique, feedback can evoke emotions such as defensiveness, insecurity, or even embarrassment. However, learning how to receive feedback with grace and openness is a crucial skill that can distinguish you in your career.
Why Feedback Matters
At its core, feedback is a form of information. It’s data about how others perceive our actions, performance, or behavior. While not all feedback is created equally, the most effective kind is constructive: it highlights areas for improvement and guides how to improve.
In a workplace setting, feedback can be a catalyst for professional development. It helps us identify blind spots, sharpen our skills, and align more closely with team or organizational goals. It also shows that someone has invested time and energy into helping us succeed. However, to get the most out of it, we must be willing to listen.
Step 1: Shift Your Mindset
The first step in receiving feedback effectively is to reframe your perspective on it. Instead of viewing feedback as criticism, consider it as an insight. Feedback is not an attack on who you are; it’s a reflection of how your actions are perceived and how they can be improved.
Try to approach feedback with curiosity rather than judgment. Ask yourself:
- What can I learn from this?
- What patterns do I notice?
- How can I use this information to grow?
When you shift from a defensive mindset to a growth mindset, you open the door to real improvement.
Step 2: Listen Without Interrupting
When someone offers feedback, especially if it catches you off guard, it’s natural to want to explain, defend, or justify your actions. But one of the most powerful things you can do is simply listen.
Let the person finish speaking before responding. Maintain open body language. Nod to show you’re engaged. Take notes if it helps you stay focused. Your goal in that moment isn’t to defend yourself; it’s to understand the other person’s perspective.
Step 3: Ask Clarifying Questions
Not all feedback is perfectly delivered. Sometimes, it can be vague, incomplete, or emotionally charged. Instead of making assumptions, ask clarifying questions to dig deeper into the matter.
For example:
- “Can you give me an example of when I came across that way?”
- “What would you have liked to see done differently?”
- “How could I improve that going forward?”
Asking questions not only helps you understand the feedback better, but it also shows that you care and are willing to learn.
Step 4: Manage Your Emotions
Let’s be honest, some feedback can be stinging. It can be tough to hear that you didn’t meet expectations or that something you worked hard on missed the mark. That’s human. But how you manage your emotional response matters.
If you’re feeling defensive or upset, take a breath. Give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts before responding. It’s okay to say, “I appreciate the feedback. I need a little time to process it before I respond.” This shows maturity and emotional intelligence.
Step 5: Reflect and Follow Up
After the conversation, take time to reflect. What parts of the feedback resonated with you? What actions can you take to improve? Consider writing down your reflections and setting a few clear, actionable goals.
It can also be helpful to follow up with the person who gave the feedback. Thank them again for sharing their perspective, and let them know what steps you’re taking. This not only closes the loop but also reinforces your commitment to growth.
What to Do When Feedback Isn’t Constructive
Not all feedback is helpful. Sometimes, it’s vague, biased, or delivered in a hurtful way. When that happens, don’t dismiss it immediately; try to separate the message from the delivery. Is there any truth in what’s being said? If not, it’s okay to move on. Not all feedback requires immediate action.
You have the right to set boundaries around how you’re spoken to, especially if the feedback crosses a line or becomes personal. It’s okay to say, “I’m open to feedback, but I’d appreciate it if we could keep the conversation respectful and focused on the work.”
Final Thoughts
Receiving feedback isn’t always easy, but it’s essential. It’s how we evolve. It’s how we sharpen our edges and grow into better colleagues, leaders, and people.
So, the next time someone offers you feedback, take a deep breath and say, “Thank you.” Because even if it’s tough to hear, it might just be the thing that helps you level up.